If you and your partner have been unhappy in your marriage, it may be time to consider ending it. However, once you decide to seek a divorce, it can be hard to find the right way to bring up the subject with your partner. Read on for four ideas on how to ask your partner for a divorce.
Talk About Putting Yourself First
Being selfless is admirable, but if you’re both walking on eggshells and waiting for someone else to make changes, then nobody will ever feel like their needs are met. If you want to live in an honest relationship, then you need to speak up about what feels right (and what doesn’t). Make it clear that you need to take this step to put your needs first.
Share ‘I Feel’ Statements
Asking for a divorce can feel like an attack for most partners. Try a different approach by sharing “I feel” statements and getting your partner to see your perspective. If talking about it makes things worse, then try writing out why you are unhappy in hopes of getting clarity on the situation. While they may need some time to process this, seeing your side of things should help them realize that the current relationship just isn’t working.
Try Changing Tactics
It’s common for spouses in a troubled marriage to think that one long conversation will be able to resolve all of their issues, but this is rarely the case. If talking endlessly about the same problem is no longer working, try changing tactics. Instead of sitting down together and discussing what you want from your marriage (which might create more conflict), try asking each other what you want out of life right now. In doing this both of you may realize that working with a divorce attorney is the right answer.
If you are getting divorced and you have children, you are probably trying to work with your former spouse to figure out who has custody of your kids as well as things like child support and which parent is going to pay for particular things. You’re doing all this while you are trying to keep things as normal as possible for your kids. Odds are that they feel like their entire lives are being torn apart. What are some things that you can do to help your kids get through the divorce procedures and their new lives after the divorce. If you aren’t sure where to start, your divorce attorney can help you with finding a counselor.
Counseling for Your Child
One thing that you can do to help your children is to arrange some counseling. There are a lot of options that you can use, and you may want to try a combination of counseling options including anxiety counseling. They can not only help your kids, but they can help you.
You can find a counselor who works specifically with children. They can help your children process their feelings in a safe space. Depending on the age of your kids, they may see your kids separately. They will see you at the beginning or the end of the appointment to catch you up on everything, but seeing your child separately lets them talk about their feelings without you around, so if they are angry at you, they can express that feeling without worrying about you and how you will react.
Another option is to use family counseling. Family counseling doesn’t mean that your ex-spouse has to be there, but it’s a place for you and your kids to talk about what’s going on. The thing about counseling is that you are in a safe place with an objective observer who can help everyone talk through what they are feeling and who can help you and your kids learn new ways to handle those feelings and tools to make sure that everyone is handling everything in a healthy way. It’s way too easy for people to get angry at others in their family because they are scared of what’s going on. It’s a lot easier to be angry than scared, and the counselor can help you figure out the way to help handle all that anger without lashing out at each other.
Understand That Moving on Is Not the End
Divorce isn’t an ending, it’s a new beginning. You can rebuild from it and learn from it, but never forget that you’re still you. Try explaining this to your partner as you share that you need to move on. Even as a marriage ends, both people can be happy with no regrets or bad feelings towards each other.
If children are involved, understand that their lives will change, but that change is not always bad. Make sure they are informed and comfortable before making any big changes, like one spouse moving out, changing schools, and so on.
Before you confront your partner about getting divorced, it’s best to consider how they might react and devise your strategy accordingly. If you are going through a divorce, it can be hard for your kids, especially while you are dealing with who is going to have custody. A counselor is one way to make sure that everything goes smoothly. Your divorce lawyer may have a recommendation about a counselor that you can visit. Use these tips to ask your partner for a divorce without making the situation even more difficult than it needs to be.